Go Play

Snow hit my hometown of DC this past week. And it hit big time. Almost 5 inches in a period of one week and outside my window, the leaves and tree roots were covered in a deep blanket of snow.

I love snow. Perhaps this is all thanks to my mom’s deep wish to be able to ski with her family, the fact that I just love being outdoors, or my ancestry going back to Eastern Europe.

This week when the snow hit, I found myself nestled indoors working in front of a computer, in the gym or somewhere frolicking between my couch and my kitchen counter.

On Tuesday, I had planned to go on a walk and that was cancelled due the other person having a cold (which ended up being covid, so thank goodness we didn’t hang). But I had set aside time to go for a walk, so I was not, absolutely not, now spending that time frolicking indoors. 

I put on my hiking boots, winter jacket, heated mittens (highly recommend- as a person with perpetually cold hands these are a godsend), a hat, scarf and headed outdoors. Some instinctual force told me to walk towards to the local university campus, where I discovered that despite being a spot that is typically empty on a weekday, I had company. There was a whole posse of kids throwing themselves down a gradual decline on a sled. As my gait moved from walk to skip, I discovered that snow was now jumping into the tops of my hiking boots. Perhaps, not wearing my snow pants was a poor choice. I continued on anyway and discovered on the other side of this slope were even far more sledders, monitoring parents, and skid marks of grass and mud that told a story of gleeful joy. Rather than get in the sledders way, I pranced around in the snow to a smaller, uninhabited tree grove and found this exhilarating sense of desire to run, jump, skip. 

I felt myself taking flight into play.Yes, play.

When was the last time that I had played around in the light of day as an adult and let myself, not because I was chasing a child or taking a dog out? When was the last time, you dear reader, let yourself play outdoors?

I’m having to think long and hard to answer this. It had been a minute. But with full honesty, it had been about a month prior while on the beach while traveling in Colombia. The only other people around were a life guard and the staff member setting up beach umbrellas. I played in the waves. A sense of anonymity, allows my silly, playful side to come out without fear that someone is going to call the cops that a grown woman is playing, smiling and having a grand time.

On Tuesday, with an exhilarating feeling of joy and glee I returned home. And I repeated this round of playing on Thursday, but I put on snow pants and my knee high rubber boots and ran around in a different neighborhood spot. And then on Friday, I again, bundled up in my snow pants and headed back to the big sledding hill, which had a refill of powder after a snowy Thursday evening and Friday morning.  I found a quiet spot where kids and families weren’t around and just ran around, slid, laughed, made snow angels and looked at the way tree branches hold snow when you are lying underneath. This was an absolute highlight of my week and got me out of my head and into my body. I knew it was time to go home not because dusk was pending, but because my body was exhausted and I was ready for a nap.

There a lot of different types of play. Playing music, golf, cards, wordle… And I think this type of play I was engaging in, a type of unstructured ‘free play,’ is exceptionally uncommon for adult. Perhaps as adults we are all secretly heading to our own querencia outside and taking time to play (I’m drawing the word querencia from a text from Barry Lopez “The Rediscovery of North America”. Here’s a brief synopsis, “Querencia means a beloved place […] It is where we feel honored, safe and secure and also where we feel challenged and experience growth.”). But I think a casual poll of adults would reveal this is not the case.

As adults, unless we are with a child or a dog, free play in the light of day, while completely sober isn’t very socially acceptable. Something that was so elemental in childhood and a key cultural element of schools turns into socially unacceptable, once you head to middle school.

• Perhaps you’ve seen a child throwing themselves down a sled for the third time and thought, gosh, I wish I could take a friend’s child to the park, so I could go sledding (legit something a friend told me this week).

• Or you’ve seen children throwing snowballs at each other, said to yourself, I wish I had a posse of friends to have a snowball fight with.

• And maybe you’ve taken your dog out for a walk, and you just wished you too could frolic around the dog run without shame of being stared at.

Have these thoughts ever occurred to you? They’ve occurred to me, even when snow isn’t around. The voice of resistance in my head says, I shouldn’t play because I’ll look foolish as an adult, it’s shameful, someone will think I’ve lost my marbles, I’m not wearing the right clothing, someone I know might see me and will think I’m uncool…. But on those moments when I have a breakthrough and go play, I feel so free.   

I also want to name that I’m a white, cisgendered woman and the intersectionality of these identities are particularly important when talking about my sense of safety I feel when playing. I’m not concerned if I’m walking, running or playing in my neighborhood, of a neighbor calling the cops on me, and that’s a clear example of white privilege. Unfortunately, we have far too many examples in our country of transgender or BIPOC children and adults, being targeted and killed due to transphobia and racism, as they walk, run and play in their neighborhoods. 

Play as an adult is an act of resistance. It’s a way of saying to myself that I going to cut myself a break and let my playful side lead. It’s a way to express a physical longing that running or Zumba class can’t fulfill. It’s a way of resisting screens and technology and the ever present pull to be on them or near them. It’s a way of letting go of control. It sometimes happens outdoors, sometimes indoors, sometimes with others and sometimes by myself.

I hope you find the courage to let down your guard to go play. This might actually be a very hard thing for you to do. Your brain may tell you, no, no, no. You might play indoors or outdoors. In public or in the privacy of your own room. The options are infinite and I hope you do play.

I’m sharing a few tips and points, so you can go experience the freedom of play, particularly outdoors:

· For me to drop out of my head and into my body, I find a spot that is safe, but not hyper trafficked. This is probably the most crucial element because when I know eyes aren’t watching, I know that I can do my own thing.

·  If you are struggling to play, give yourself permission. Perhaps you need to envision a wise elder, leader or former teacher, to tell you “it’s recess” or “go play.”

· If you are struggling to play, think of a playful being, such as your dog or a friend’s kid and try to mimic what they might do. This hopefully will get you into the zone.

· Consider the time of day you go outside to play. As a woman, I don’t feel very safe being alone in a public park after dark, but perhaps you have a big backyard and your kids are sleeping at 6am and that’s the perfect time and place for you. 

· I put away my phone. Do not disturb/focus mode. It can be on me, but I’m not checking it. Playing wordle is not the same as the type of free play I’m expressing here.

· I also understand that at this time in my life I’m able bodied, so running, skipping and sliding are all things I can do. But there are so many ways to play, snow or not, that can meet your body’s needs, wants and abilities. Perhaps its building snow sculptures, stepping into the privacy of your bathtub and moving the water to your own heart’s desires or taking the cardboard box that came with last delivery and getting scissors and string and without a particular set of directions or destination play and create. 

· An ecstatic dance class might be a great option to express yourself freely, if you are concerned about finding a safe place to play or are desiring to experience your playful energy in the presence of others.

Embracing free play as an adult is a way to listen to, honor and move into your heart’s desires and true. Send me an email at [email protected], I’d love to hear from you of how you embrace ‘free play’ today and this week!

Wheels up,

Ellen

PS- Right after drafting this up, I gifted my mom a hand beaded pin I purchased from Colombia and discovered in the pouch the following… go play!